Miss Tilney Tarot
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Tea & Tarot

Dear Miss Tilney: I fucking love my life

“Dear Miss Tilney,

About two years ago I had a fall out with my sister in law. My niece was a dancer of mine and I noticed some not good habits forming and she was losing weight and muscle rapidly. We talked about it and left it as is… Fast forward a little while and after catching my niece in some big lies my SIL accuses me and my best friend/business partner of body shaming my niece for being too thin. I’ve had an eating disorder and to be called a body shamer was so incredibly triggering for me. I’ve 98% let it go, but on those bad ‘me’ days I feel the storyline pop into my head. How do I move on from this, what’s the best step?

Allison”

Dear Allison,

Thank you so much for writing in to Dear Miss Tilney! As someone who has also experienced an eating disorder, I really appreciate your question. Before tapping into the cards, I just wanted to say that I get you. It is so hard to watch someone we love go through something we have experienced and just… let it go. In my opinion, you did the right thing. I hope that anyone reading this knows that you should always say something if you suspect someone you know is experiencing an eating disorder. Even if they aren’t, or even if nothing happens, at least you did your part.

Ok, tarot!

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I started by pulling three cards for how you can move on, then pulled another card for "no, really, how can she move on?" and finally an affirmation card to pull it all together, hopefully.

For the first three cards, I pulled the Sun, the World, and the Knight of Swords.

The Major Arcana cards represent large, external events and life-changing circumstances. Since you have two Majors of four cards (your majors are the Sun and the World), this event is a big deal to you, and at least feels  out of your control. The other two cards are court cards, which can represent aspects of yourself or your relationships with those around you.

The Sun's traditional keywords are joy, happiness, and abundance. For your situation, I feel like this refers to your intentions. They were pure goodness. Knowing that should give you a leg up with moving forward. You didn't do something you should feel guilty about, you did something that you should feel proud of. You need to let go of that aspect of this issue. You did the right thing, no matter what anyone else thinks. You know you weren't body shaming. You were concerned.

The World means the completion of a journey, or coming full cirlce. Your own experiences with having an eating disorder are important here. You have been there. You KNOW that it's more important to say something and be wrong than to suspect, never say anything, and then have something happen later. The fact that your sister-in-law is angry with you for what you said is bothering you, but really it doesn't have anything to do with you (as hard as that can be to hear.) She is dealing with something on her own and turning it back on you. Trust your experience, trust yourself.

The Knight of Swords is about facing conflict head on, but it can be a warning to not make up a battle where there isn't one. Your big problem with moving on isn't how you feel about what you did, but that you feel like your relationship with your sister-in-law is damaged when it doesn't need to be. I know you feel bad about being called a body shamer, but when you look deeply at it and trust YOURSELF rather than what other people are saying, you know your intentions were good. You know you acted from a place of experience and knowledge and love. The issue you are having the hardest time letting go of is your conflict with your sister-in-law.

Here is where I was like "but how does she ACTUALLY move on? This is good insight, but it doesn't answer the question!" and as someone even closer to the issue, you may be feeling that frustration too.

I pulled the King of Wands, and the answer is to just… move forward. You don't have to let it go, but trust yourself, trust that flame inside you that KNOWS you did the right thing, and move forward. It sucks that your sister-in-law is angry with you, but you have so much good to do in the world, for your other dancers, for you. That is more important. You did what you could for her, do what you can for the rest of the people in your life! I know this probably wasn't the answer you were looking for, but the tarot almost never gives us that. It's always the annoyingly true answer we knew all along.

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Your affirmation is: I fucking love my life!!! Is that true? When you say that to yourself, does it feel good, right, true? If it does… well, fuck her. Get it, girl.

Love and support,

Bailey

(decks used: Crystal Unicorn Tarot, Wildly Tarot, Bad Bitch Affirmations)

Bailey Allen